Annotation3─Leave your children alone

Annotation3─Leave your children alone

        Vicki Hoefle, the author of Duct Tape Parenting, published in 2013 November, has worked on professional education about parenting for twenty years. She is the founder of the class ─ Parenting On Track as well. This book is not only written upon her own experience, but also includes the theory from two psychologists ─ Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.

        Vicki brought up a simple education, which is called Duct Tape Parenting. This education is a way to let children to live without restraint. It emphasizes to strengthen the relationship between parents and children, instead of taking them in hands. In this century, the relationship between parents and children can be like friends. If parents just want to control the children, it’s easy to have conflict between them. Vicki also tells parents that this method is a long plan. Many education for parents has a quick effect; however, the thing will go back like before quickly as well. So what Vicki really want to taught parents need a lot of time, but it is effective , and its effect is continued. Parents have to always prepare a tape. When you want to give order, taping your mouth. When you want to servant your children, taping your body. When your children is crying for no reason, taping your eyes and ears. These method means to avoid parents can’t help to over help their children.

        In this book, Vicki also regard trust and chance as very important things that parents have to give their children. Trust is the base of good parent-child relationship, and chance is the beginning of children’s self-growing. And it also response to my point that parents will overprotect children or make decision for them is because they can’t trust their children. As for the overprotecting and making decision for children, Vicki also give her thought in the book. First, Vicki writes that if parents overprotect the children, it’s indeed bad for them, because the children will find that the real world is not as simple as they thought in the end. Second, totally making decision for the children will hinder them from having their own space to learn how to arrange their own life. Besides, they will think themselves nothing at all.

        Vicki says:” Making mistakes is the easiest and the most efficient way to let children face the challenges and difficulties in the future.”  It’s the last emphasis that Vicki gives in this book. Instead of giving a lecture from parents when children doing wrong, Vicki refer to let the nature teach the children. In this world, if children do something wrong, there must be some outcomes resulting from their deed. For examples, let’s suppose that a boy forget to bring the coat to school. If parents just lecture on him, he will only think that he is not good. Your original purpose, don’t want him to feel cold, won’t go into child’s mind. However, without parents’ lecture, the boy will remember to bring the coat next time on his own because he will feel cold and couldn’t get out with his friends. That’s nature’s lecture. It also can prevent bad parent-child relationship resulting from parents’ scolding.

        Parents have to learn to give their trust and chance to children. Besides, their overprotecting and making decision for children will just make children lost their ability. The most importance of all is that this nature will has its own method to teach the children. All we have to do is to be relax, and believe that mistakes can make children learn better.

Reverence

Vicki Hoefle(2013)。教養孩子，你只需要一捲膠帶。台北市：沐風文化出版有限公司。