Final Transcription

Zoe: Hi everyone, I am Zoe and she’s Ivy. Our topic is Eagle verses Tiger, what is the best for children. And now we are going to present a short drama.

Ivy:” Hey Zoe, I want to eat cold stone after school. Can you come with me? “ Zoe:” Sure, OK! Let’s go! Oh wait! I got a phone call from my mom. “ (Zoe pick up the cell phone.) Zoe : ” Hi mom! I am going with Ivy to cold stone. And have some snack. Uh… When am I go home? I think about five thirty. Ok bye.” Ivy : ”Would you mom just call you like that every time?” Zoe : ” Ya~ She is worried of me.” Ivy: ”Ok!” Zoe: ” Well, won’t your mom ever ask you about where you are going after school?” Ivy :”No! My mom trust me. She knows I will go home on time. So she doesn’t have to call me every time.” Zoe:”OK!”

Ivy:”ok! It’s our drama. Now we have some question to ask you. If your mom is like my mom. Please raise your hands.”

Zoe:”And if your mom is like my mom. Please raise your hands.”

Zoe: for today’s presentation, Ivy and I would each introduce a parenting style: one is guiding parents and authoritative parents. We will introduce the parenting styles and why are they important to children. Second, we will each give an example to represent our parenting styles. Ivy would take Duct Tape parenting to support guiding parents, and I will take Tiger mother to support authoritative parents. For third, Ivy would take Celine Raphel to explain to you why tiger mother aren’t proper for children, and I would take the daughter of Tiger mother, Sophia Chua to fight back her opponents. Last but not least, we will each give a clear conclusion for today’s presentation. And now it’s for Ivy’s time to introduce guiding parents.

Ivy:” OK! Now I want to introduce you guiding parents. What are guiding parents? There are four characristics about guiding parents. High liberty, high trust and low control, and no punishment. Guiding parents, instead of giving order or helping them directly, they will try to let their children to decide everything by themselves. Because they trust their children can make the right decision. Even their children choose the wrong decision, they can still learn something from their own wrong. And guiding parents won’t punish their children. Because to them, punishment maybe it’s the most quickly way to correct the bad behavior of children. But children won’t really understand the right connection between their own problem and the pain caused by punishment. And next is Zoe’s time.”

Zoe: And now I will introduce you the teaching methods of authoritative parents and why authoritative parents will be your best choice. So um it’s consists of four main elements: high responsiveness, warmth, high standards and positive controls. Positive control is consists of parental monitoring and democratic monitoring, which means that it allows children to have some space of negotiation, and also parents would explain the reasons of their demands and also why should they behave in that way. Um and for high standards, they just say that the authoritative parents would not let their children get away with bad behaviors. They also foster self-discipline, independence, maturity and also respect to others of their children. Um in my opinion, it is the purpose of education to let the more experienced educate the less experienced. Um because in that way it would save more time of them of making mistakes and they have more um opportunity to pursue what they want. So I think that it is important for parents to control their children until they grow up and have the ability to be responsible for them. And now it’s Ivy’s time to introduce to you Duct Tape parenting.

Ivy:” OK! I want to introduce you Duct Tape Parenting. This parenting way is to let children to live without restraint. And it also emphasize to strengthen the relationship between parent and children. It’s mainly purpose is to avoid parents to over help the children. The next important idea about Duct Tape Parenting is Nature’s Lecture. Vicki Hoefle is a famous expert of relationship between parents and children. She once said that making mistakes is the easiest and the most efficient way to let children face the challenges and difficulties in the future. That is, she want parents to let the nature to teach the children instead of punishment. And what is nature’s lecture? I will give you a example. One day, Catherine forgot to bring the coat to school. She felt cold all day. And most important of all, she couldn’t go out with her friends. So next time, when she was going to school, She will remember to bring his coat. OH! HER coat. And that’s nature’s lecture. And it’s the most important idea of Duct Tape Parenting.”

Zoe: And now I would introduce to you of Tiger mother parenting. So what it Tiger mother parenting? I would introduce to you of all the must and mustn’t. First, the children of tiger mother are not to attend to school drama club after classes. Second, they have to practice violin or piano for two hours every day. Third, children are not allowed to attend to parties or stay-over at friend’s house. Last but not least, children are not allowed to play computer games. So you might gain question that, this is not what I heard of authoritative parents. So later I would explain to you why tiger mother still is an example of authoritative parents. According to the author of authoritative parenting, she explains that authoritative parents differ from culture to culture. In western countries, parents would contain more democratic practices and would encourage children in speaking of opinions even they are diverge from parents. On the other hand, parents from China and Russia would not encourage children to speak diverge opinions. However, parents from both culture do have one key trait that connects them together, which is explaining the reasons for rules and talking with kids who misbehave. They both reason with children. So what Amy Chua believes are three main points: the value of persistence, prepare children for their future, and interests can be cultivated. “Nothing is fun until you are good at it” Amy Chua believes that by ding that thing well, children would in turn like it. For example, if the child could play piano well and gain sense of achievement from it, the child would in turn like it. And she also believes that parents should control children in doing beneficial things, because only by that, they would feel confidence in the process. So that parent should continually push children in doing beneficial things. And children would turn from this child who dislikes eating vegetables to this child. The third thing is the worst thing parents can do is to let the children give up. Amy Chua values a lot of persistence. She thinks that it is important that um parent push children and not to give up. If parent allow children giving up easily, children um will in turn lose the courage to challenge and will have the habit to give up easily whenever he or she face difficulties. For example, um, yeah, nothing. Haha. What I mean is, um parents should push children in trying things and not to give up. The next thing is, Chinese parents assume strength, not fragility in our children. um I suggest that, and also Amy Chua suggests that we should think bigger of our children and only by that can they become the best. For example, if we think of our children as an A+, they would keep working hard and eventually become an A+. However, if we think of our children as an A- or B+, when they reach to A-, they would think that, yeah that’s my limit, that’s all I can do, and they would stop working hard and restrain themselves at what they are. So, if we all assume our children to be perfect, they would have the courage to fight higher and become better. And the third is, you can see that it is a competitive world nowadays, and every parent is eager to arm children with many skills. Let’s see is in this way, if your child could not answer any question his teacher offer in kinder garden or elementary school, and found out that many of his peers could answer without difficulty. The child would lost confidence in himself and lost interest in learning knowledge. Therefore, it is not only essential but also crucial that parent need to arm children with everything they need in facing future difficulties and challenges. For example, to let children arm with good studying habits, working skills, and so on. So that the baby could turn from this crying baby, to this super baby.

Ivy:” Ok! Now I want to introduce you this French woman. Her name is Celine Raphael. She has wrote a biography about her childhood. I want to give you a brief introduction. Celine Raphael is a French little girl. One day, somebody told her father, your child is a talented child, and you have to let her learn piano because she is good at it. From then on, her live just ruined. Because her father started to force her to play the piano day and night. When she made mistakes, her father will punish her. But in the end, Celine Raphael had stood out and fought for her liberty. And she becomes a doctor, which is she really want to do. From Celine’s biography, we can find some problems between strict parents and children. The first is vicious circle. When Celine made mistake, her father will punish her, and then she will feel nervous. She is getting so nervous that she couldn’t do anything well. Then she will make mistakes again, and her father will punish her again. Because it’s like a vicious circle. Punishment couldn’t make children do better. Punishment just makes children feel more nervous. And second is projection. Celine’s father once wanted to be a pianist when he was little. But his father couldn’t afford this expense. So Celine’s father couldn’t make his dream come true. When her father grew up, had Celine as his daughter. Somebody told him, your daughter is good at playing the piano. So Celine’s talent just become Celine’s duty. Celine has to fulfill her father’s dream. Third is consolation. In Celine’s biography, Celine’s father would hung her in her sleep after he punished her. But on the other day, her father would still punish her. Celine said this hung didn’t make anything better. Just like this graph. Parents punish children, and there is a trauma in children’s mind. Maybe parents will try to console their children by little hung or candy, or something else. But when children make mistakes, their parents will just punish them again. Just like this slang, even you pull the nail out of the wall, there’s still a mark on it. It doesn’t make anything better. And now I want to talk about Celine’s father. He was growing up under a harsh environment and education. Indeed, her father has a good position after he grew up. But he also has an anomalistic mind. Is this really what his father want to give him? NO! So we can learn something from this example. If you treat your children strictly, maybe she or he will really get a good job or good future, but your inappropriate treatment will also influence his or her mind. And next is Zoe.”

Zoe: What Ivy said in that example of tiger parents, Celine Raphel, I think the main problem is that they lack the communication between parents and children. Therefore, I would take the example of the child of Tiger Mother, Sophia Chua, to fight back her opponents and prove that tiger parenting could work within proper methods. In Sophia Chua’s article and also her interview, she mentioned that there is family leisure time every Thursday. They would share feelings with each other and like um maybe ask, how is everything in your school today. I believe, communication like this is the base of tiger mother parenting. The father of Celine Raphel only learn the skin if tiger mother parenting, yet he neglects the most important base, which is the interaction of affection and communication of ideas. And also, Sophia mentioned that what her mother does is of building inner confidence and good working habits. Also, she mentioned in the interview that her mother hardly intervenes most of her decisions after high school. I think the point of tiger mother parenting is to intervene children when they are still young, yet after the parents believe their children have ability to make their own decisions and can be responsible for them, the parents would let go of their children and would not bother themselves to intervene. And of Sophia Chua, the girl who gets um, um permitted into both Yale and Harvard University is not good enough. Let me introduce to you other examples. According to a survey, out of 2000 census, nearly 50 percent of Asian Americans have college and graduate degree, Asian Americans make up 17% of incoming Harvard freshmen, and 29% of Harvard medical school. And also, I believe you all know this family, the family who lives in the White House. According to First Lady Michelle Obama captured, as she was discussing the way she was raising her daughters. Michelle Obama made her daughters take up two sports: one of their choosing, and the other chosen by their mother. When someone asks why she would choose like that, Michelle answers that "I want them to understand what it feels like to do something you don’t like and to improve." So this is the main point of tiger mother parenting, to let children learn what they are able to achieve in the process of working hard. So here comes our conclusion.

Ivy:” My conclusion is easy. Guiding parents will give their children liberty and trust. Because this two things will let their children how to face the problems and solve it by themselves. After all, parents couldn’t beside their children forever. The most important thing they have to do is to teach their children how to face the problems by themselves. And second is that, if your children do something wrong, use nature’s lecture. Because it’s more appropriate between children and parents.”

Zoe: And for my part, the main point of tiger parenting is positive control, which is to control children in a more democratic way. And also I conclude Amy Chua’s parenting in four letters: 2p 2c. Persistence, positive control, communication and cultivate. I believe by the combine of these four elements can Tiger mother parenting become fully compete and can educates excellent results. Thank you! Is there any question?”

Yida:”What’s the eagle means?”

Ivy:”I use eagle as the metaphor because eagle will push its little bird off the cliff. So that little bird can learn to fly by themselves. And its somehow meets the method of guiding parents. The guiding parents won’t help their children directly. They prefer to let them face the trouble, even make mistakes so that they can learn something from its own. And that’s why I use eagle as the metaphor.”

William: What about Duct Tape Parenting?

Ivy: Because I have talked about the expert named Vicki Hoefle. She is the one who creates this duct tape parenting. The main purpose of this parenting is to avoid parents to over help their children. Vicki Hoefle said that when parents want to give your children an order or help, then you have to image a tape that can tape your mouth and tape your hand so that can avoid parents can’t help to over help their children.

William: And also one question for you. You said that it is the point of education to let the more experienced teach the less experienced. And in your case, for example, she is your children and you teach her of your experience. She follows your advice and not making mistakes. And when she grows up and educating her own children, how she are going to tell her children of those experiences. How are she going to teach her children since all she learned is your experience and not her own. She follows your directions, but she doesn’t have experience.

Zoe:  Good question, let me think for a while, um, um, my point that of letting children evade their mistakes does not mean that they should make completely no mistake at all, which means that whether the mother or the children would each get some experiences to um, ugh what am I talking about. Um, um, we think that, haha, I think that the children can still learn experience from their parents, and also I have mentioned that tiger mother parenting is about letting children go when they have their own ability to make decisions. Therefore, after the children starts making her decisions, she would have her own experience to teach her children.

Allan: um do you believe that the tiger mother and um the father from different cultures could work well in a family. Like um instead of just having a tiger parents or eagle parents, would it better to have both?

Zoe: You mean the combination of two parenting style?

William: That would be the example you show with the Obama’s, that the mother let their children to choose both?

Zoe: yeah I think that would be fine, yet I think that there would still be conflicts between the father and the mother. Because there would um upon some decisions, um, they would have different opinions and ideas, and there would be conflicts in raising their children. Because Amy Chua, in her biography she mentioned that there are often some discussions between she and her husband. Because um she is the Chinese parenting style, and her husband don’t often agree with her parenting style. There would be discussions, but often the father let go and let tiger mother in control of the parenting of the children.

William: so how about the children would be effected by the westernize environment? Well you have the example that the woman, who raises children in United States with Chinese ways, so you have her example of being in US, how about westernizes ways here. How would that affect children?

Zoe: You mean western parenting styles in Taiwan?

William: yeah, how do you think that affects the child?

Zoe: um, I think that if the child of westerns parenting styles in Taiwan, I think that he would affect the children around. Maybe his classmates would think that why he could plays sports and have fun while I have to go to cram school and study. The children might argue with their parents when they go home. Yet I think that the development of every children is still depends on their own, whether in western style or Chinese style, um, um, ugh what am I talking about. And also there is um, a kind of international school in Taiwan, and foreign countries often gather it up in the school, so um I think that the place would be a kind of accumulation for western parenting style.

Monica: In the Western country, the way the parents give like they love their children. It doesn’t mean Taiwanese people don’t love their kids. It’s different. In my country, I have all my friends. They give me love. And there are foreigners, they grow up here, they have to love their parents. So I don’t think it remain much.

William: What about their performance?

Monica: I think it’s about the time they have in the country.

Zoe: Thank you Monica.

Yida: I have a question about Tiger mother. Because you say that Tiger mother will cultivate the many good parts of children when they young. But many will argue that if you limit your children when they’re young, for example, can’t go to the party, it’s danger to limit them, such as creativity. How do you think about this argument?

Zoe: I don’t think go to party can cultivate the creativity.

Yida:If you try many things, maybe you will think about many things around you. If you don’t try, you won’t know… for sure.

Zoe: Like Sophia Chou, she tried many things. Maybe the thing she like is to play the drum, and her mother will let her do. But on the other hands, she can still know many things. For example, she get an experience of performing in Carnegie Hall. So there’s still a lot of good experience.

Yida:It’s depend on the interaction between parents and children?

Zoe:Yes! I think it’s important. If parents don’t communicate with children, just put many things upon the children, it will have a crack just like Celine Raphael.

William: There’s a social problems. Maybe the children really get a good job or position. They will have some problems when having conversation with others. Because they don’t know about it.

Zoe: Tiger mother won’t let her children sleep over night in her friend’s home. But they still have party at home to let others play in their house. Tiger mother doesn’t cut off every interaction between her children and the peers.

William: OK!

Zoe: Any question? OK! Thank you!!