Reflection 2

 In the beginning, I have to choose an animal as my metaphor of parenting because Zoe had TIGER. After our discussing, I use EAGLE as my metaphor. So our title is done. Then, I have to organize my PPT. Because there couldn’t be too many words on it, I have use the least words to correctly show my idea. The first part of my presentation is What are Guiding Parents? I use an oblong graph to organize the four characteristics of guiding parents. So that audience can compare my part with Zoe’s easily. Because the part of Duct Tape Parenting had finished early, I didn’t revise it too much. The only part I revised is the example of nature’s lecture. I use cute images to illustrate this short story. The last part of my presentation is Celine Raphael. I also used many pictures to help me narrate Celine’s story. And in our conclusion, we put our ideas together to let audience compare. That’s how I design my PPT.

Final Paper

    Abstract

This papers wants to explore the modern relationship between parents and children. With the decrease of birth, parents start to much more focus on their children. However, is this kind of protection really good for their children? I will cite the relative books or articles to lead the readers to give this question a good think. Vicki Hoefle created a new education to teach parents how to prevent themselves over help the children. And there is Celine Raphael to talk about her own experience about her father’s strict education. From our exploration, we can gradually understand what is better for the children.

Parents’ care, children’s obstacle?

The relationship between parents and children

Because of the trend of fewer children, it’s common that there’s only one or two kids in a family. As a result, this situation makes parents pay more attention on children and want to make their own children become the best one in the society. As a result, in addition to staying with children all the time, if they can, some of parents start to try to control and decide children’s life. However, the more arrangement parents give, the less attempt children have. There is a word called helicopter parents, which means parents always keep an eye on children. They surround their children, telling them what to do, and what not to do. It makes children lost their judgment, and limits children’s ability.

Don’t be Helicopter Parents

Shelly Li(李雪莉), one of CommonWealth(天下雜誌)’ s editor, once published an essay titled Don’ t be Helicopter Parents in 2007. Shelly probed into the circumstance of nowadays about parents’ teaching and discipline. She gives two examples. One is that a mother who was angry at the teacher because the teacher didn’t answer her daughter’s question first. Another example is a volunteer mother who should keep order beside the swimming pool. She ran to her daughter and used a hair dryer to blow her daughter’s hair as her daughter walked out from the dressing room.

From the examples above, we can notice that there are more and more parents tend to over intervene and be over nervous. According to the author, these helicopter parents were born in the period of 1961 to 1976. The children of this period saw the society, changing into more democratic and freer educational way. However, these parents have some problems under the expectation to their “perfect” children. i.e., anxiety, unease, comparison etc.

Because of the helicopter parents, many children’s ability of living becomes poor. They become easier to get anxious. Besides, there are more and more problems between parents and children. For example, in order to let children win other children, parents want their children to learn some extra-curricular activities such as musical instrument or foreign languages. However, if children don’t like these activities that their parents choose for them, they will get depressive and unpassionate. As a result, it is easy to have conflicts between parents and children.

Shelly explained well about the reason and result of helicopter parents. In this part, Shelly gives clear explanation. However, is there only one education now? Of course not! So I cite the magazine to give you more clear introduction of parents’ types.

Parents’ types

The magazine called 《bobo小天才雜誌》, which published in 2008 April, wrote about five types of parents. The first type is the democratic parents. The second type is the autocratic parents. The third type is neglect type. The fourth type’s children which is special that the magazine divide the parents of the fourth type into two kind. One is let children do everything they want. The other is over protect their children. The last type’s parent is lack of unity.

     I want to focus on the autocratic parents. According to the article, this kind of parents often make decision for children, because they consider their decisions better than children’s, or even the best and the only way. In addition, their methods also produce negative effects. Those who have been used to parent’s overall arrangement will take parents’ help for granted. Because they get used to parent’s arrangement, they can’t learn to negotiate with others and are easy to be spoiled by their parents. As a result, some children growing under this kind education can’t get along with others because they only think about themselves. Some will feel uncertain about their own decisions and ability because their decisions are always denied by their parents. In fact, these problems all result from parents’ distrust. Parents don’t believe that their children can deal with the problems by themselves. They want to build a house to let the children get inside forever, so that they can never be hurt. Nevertheless, it will only make their children more fragile.

     In this century, parents get used to arrange everything for their children, for example, which school to go to and which instrument and language to learn. It’s normal for parents to give children some advices. After all, parents indeed experience more from the society. However, everyone in this world has his or her own best way to face any trouble or difficulty. Parents’ idea can be a reference, but it doesn’t have to be the answer. Moreover, we can’t deny that some obstacle can make children stronger and easier to solve the problems by themselves. But what on earth should parents do when children face the trouble? I will introduce you a kind of parenting named Duct Tape Parenting.

Duct Tape Parenting

Vicki Hoefle(2013), the author of Duct Tape Parenting has worked on professional education about parenting for twenty years. She is the founder of the class ─ Parenting On Track as well. This book not only cover her own experience, but also includes the theory from two psychologists ─ Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.

        Vicki brought up a simple education, which is called Duct Tape Parenting. This education is a way to let children live without restraint. It emphasizes to strengthen the relationship between parents and children, instead of taking them in hands. In this century, the relationship between parents and children can be like friends. If parents just want to control the children, it’s easy to have conflict between them. Vicki also tells parents that this method is a long plan. Many methods of education for parents have a quick effect; however, the thing will go back like before quickly as well. So what Vicki really wants to taught parents needs a lot of time, but it is effective , and its effect continues. Parents have to always prepare a tape. When you want to give order, taping your mouth. When you want to servant your children, taping your body. When your children is crying for no reason, taping your eyes and ears. These method means to avoid parents can’t help to over help their children.

        In this book, Vicki also regard trust and chance as very important things that parents have to give their children. Trust is the base of good parent-child relationship, and chance is the beginning of children’s self-growing. And it also corresponds to my point that parents may overprotect children or make decision for them because they can’t trust their children. As for the overprotecting and making decisions for children, Vicki also gives her thought in the book. First, Vicki writes that if parents overprotect the children, it’s indeed bad for them, because the children will find that the real world is not as simple as they thought in the end. Second, making decisions for the children will hinder them from having their own space to learn how to arrange their own life. Besides, they will think themselves nothing at all.

Vicki says:” Making mistakes is the easiest and the most efficient way to let children face the challenges and difficulties in the future.”  It’s the last emphasis that Vicki gives in this book. Instead of giving a lecture from parents when children do wrong, Vicki refers to let the nature teach the children. In this world, if children do something wrong, there must be some outcomes resulting from their deed. For examples, let’s suppose that a boy forgets to bring the coat to school. If parents just lecture on him, he will only think that he is not good. Your original purpose, don’t want him to feel cold, won’t go into child’s mind. However, without parents’ lecture, the boy will remember to bring the coat next time on his own because he will feel cold and couldn’t get out with his friends. That’s nature’s lecture. It also can prevent bad parent-child relationship resulting from parents’ scolding.

Parents have to learn to give their trust and chance to children. Besides, their overprotecting and making decision for children will just make children lose their ability. The most importance of all is that this nature will has its own method to teach the children. All we have to do is to be relax, and believe that mistakes can make children learn better. We have known the good outcome of Duct Tape Parenting. We still have understand more about the bad outcome of strict parenting.

Bad influence of strict education

Many parents will think strict education as the only way to let children get better position in their future. However, some of them can’t even control how strict is useful and efficient. Sometimes, parents think the discipline they give is appropriate, but it is in fact a poison to the children.

Celine Raphael is a talented child who is good at playing the piano. However, everything changes when she is “crowded” by this title. In order to let Celine become a professional pianist, her father starts to force Celine to practice the piano day and night, even stop her from having a normal life that a child deserves. Furthermore, her father even used a belt to whip her once she made mistakes, or other much more terrible punishments. In the end, Celine finally stood out and fought for her liberty. She successfully made her dream come true, being a doctor instead of a pianist.

From Celine’s biography, we can find the difference of ideas and feelings between parents and children. Although Celine’s father punished Celine strictly and mercilessly, even making Celine have anorexia, he denied every charges from Celine. He imputed his cruel deed to Celine’s bad behavior. We can find that, something parents think is good for children may, in fact, hurt children most seriously. However, parents will just name this discipline a good way to let their children have a wonderful future. But, do these deeds really come from the truly hope for children? I don’t think so.

Many parents will force their children to learn the instrument or dance or other accomplishments because they want their children to finish what they couldn’t accomplish. Celine’s father once dreamed to play the piano, but his parents couldn’t afford this expenses. Instead of trying to understand what Celine really wanted, he just thought that Celine was good at playing the piano, so she had to develop her talent without other excuses. This projection is the biggest problem the most parents have.

Some parents may feel some kind of guilty when they punish their children, then they will try to give their children some consolations. However, even if you pull the nail out of the wall, there’s still a mark on it. Celine’s father embraced her in the night to get Celine’s forgiveness after he punished her. But he went on his terrible discipline and humiliation day after day. Father wanted to make up their relationship by a little hug. But to Celine, her hurt can’t be restored so easily.

Celine has mentioned that her father grew up under a harsh environment and education from his father. His father also used strict methods to educate him. Although Celine’s father really gets a good position, his mind also becomes anomalistic. Is this really what his father wants to give him? From her father’s childhood, we can also discover one thing. A strict education may really make your children have a better work or achievement, but their mind may also be influenced by your inappropriate treatment.

From Celine’s biography, we can understand those who are under the education from the parents like Mother Tiger. When parents just see the good side from Mother Tiger’s book, maybe they should read this book to avoid making the mistake like Celine’s father.

Conclusion

Under parents’ big protection, children gradually get used to rely on parents’ supply. According to the research, helicopter parents bring up kidult, which is the combination of kid and adult. Kidult often have some problems. For example, being irresponsible, lack of confidence, over dependent, couldn’t bear frustration, and so on. There’s a situation named Peter Pan Syndrome, which describes those who isn’t young, but the way he or she thinks and does is just like a child. Those who under parents’ big protection and order is like Peter Pan, doesn’t want to grow up, only wants to hide in his or her small world, enjoying parents’ supply and protection. But time will go on, it’s impossible for parents to stay with children forever. Their children still have to live on their own. The best way for parents to make their children be better is to let go their hold. When children still have change to fail, to be frustrated, let them experience more defeat and test, so that, they can grow and be stronger.

Reverence

Celine Raphael(2013). La Demesure. Taipei: Bau Ping.

Five parents’ types. (n.d.). Retrieved October 29, 2013, from www.cyut.edu.tw/teacher/ft00009/Posts02.doc‎

Shelly Li (2007, March 28). Don’t be helicopter parents. CommonWealth.

Sheril, R. D. (1956). The terrifying future: Contemplating color television. San Diego: Halstead.

Vicki Hoefle(2013). Duct Tape Parenting. Taipei: Mu Fone.

Final Transcription

Zoe: Hi everyone, I am Zoe and she’s Ivy. Our topic is Eagle verses Tiger, what is the best for children. And now we are going to present a short drama.

Ivy:” Hey Zoe, I want to eat cold stone after school. Can you come with me? “ Zoe:” Sure, OK! Let’s go! Oh wait! I got a phone call from my mom. “ (Zoe pick up the cell phone.) Zoe : ” Hi mom! I am going with Ivy to cold stone. And have some snack. Uh… When am I go home? I think about five thirty. Ok bye.” Ivy : ”Would you mom just call you like that every time?” Zoe : ” Ya~ She is worried of me.” Ivy: ”Ok!” Zoe: ” Well, won’t your mom ever ask you about where you are going after school?” Ivy :”No! My mom trust me. She knows I will go home on time. So she doesn’t have to call me every time.” Zoe:”OK!”

Ivy:”ok! It’s our drama. Now we have some question to ask you. If your mom is like my mom. Please raise your hands.”

Zoe:”And if your mom is like my mom. Please raise your hands.”

Zoe: for today’s presentation, Ivy and I would each introduce a parenting style: one is guiding parents and authoritative parents. We will introduce the parenting styles and why are they important to children. Second, we will each give an example to represent our parenting styles. Ivy would take Duct Tape parenting to support guiding parents, and I will take Tiger mother to support authoritative parents. For third, Ivy would take Celine Raphel to explain to you why tiger mother aren’t proper for children, and I would take the daughter of Tiger mother, Sophia Chua to fight back her opponents. Last but not least, we will each give a clear conclusion for today’s presentation. And now it’s for Ivy’s time to introduce guiding parents.

Ivy:” OK! Now I want to introduce you guiding parents. What are guiding parents? There are four characristics about guiding parents. High liberty, high trust and low control, and no punishment. Guiding parents, instead of giving order or helping them directly, they will try to let their children to decide everything by themselves. Because they trust their children can make the right decision. Even their children choose the wrong decision, they can still learn something from their own wrong. And guiding parents won’t punish their children. Because to them, punishment maybe it’s the most quickly way to correct the bad behavior of children. But children won’t really understand the right connection between their own problem and the pain caused by punishment. And next is Zoe’s time.”

Zoe: And now I will introduce you the teaching methods of authoritative parents and why authoritative parents will be your best choice. So um it’s consists of four main elements: high responsiveness, warmth, high standards and positive controls. Positive control is consists of parental monitoring and democratic monitoring, which means that it allows children to have some space of negotiation, and also parents would explain the reasons of their demands and also why should they behave in that way. Um and for high standards, they just say that the authoritative parents would not let their children get away with bad behaviors. They also foster self-discipline, independence, maturity and also respect to others of their children. Um in my opinion, it is the purpose of education to let the more experienced educate the less experienced. Um because in that way it would save more time of them of making mistakes and they have more um opportunity to pursue what they want. So I think that it is important for parents to control their children until they grow up and have the ability to be responsible for them. And now it’s Ivy’s time to introduce to you Duct Tape parenting.

Ivy:” OK! I want to introduce you Duct Tape Parenting. This parenting way is to let children to live without restraint. And it also emphasize to strengthen the relationship between parent and children. It’s mainly purpose is to avoid parents to over help the children. The next important idea about Duct Tape Parenting is Nature’s Lecture. Vicki Hoefle is a famous expert of relationship between parents and children. She once said that making mistakes is the easiest and the most efficient way to let children face the challenges and difficulties in the future. That is, she want parents to let the nature to teach the children instead of punishment. And what is nature’s lecture? I will give you a example. One day, Catherine forgot to bring the coat to school. She felt cold all day. And most important of all, she couldn’t go out with her friends. So next time, when she was going to school, She will remember to bring his coat. OH! HER coat. And that’s nature’s lecture. And it’s the most important idea of Duct Tape Parenting.”

Zoe: And now I would introduce to you of Tiger mother parenting. So what it Tiger mother parenting? I would introduce to you of all the must and mustn’t. First, the children of tiger mother are not to attend to school drama club after classes. Second, they have to practice violin or piano for two hours every day. Third, children are not allowed to attend to parties or stay-over at friend’s house. Last but not least, children are not allowed to play computer games. So you might gain question that, this is not what I heard of authoritative parents. So later I would explain to you why tiger mother still is an example of authoritative parents. According to the author of authoritative parenting, she explains that authoritative parents differ from culture to culture. In western countries, parents would contain more democratic practices and would encourage children in speaking of opinions even they are diverge from parents. On the other hand, parents from China and Russia would not encourage children to speak diverge opinions. However, parents from both culture do have one key trait that connects them together, which is explaining the reasons for rules and talking with kids who misbehave. They both reason with children. So what Amy Chua believes are three main points: the value of persistence, prepare children for their future, and interests can be cultivated. “Nothing is fun until you are good at it” Amy Chua believes that by ding that thing well, children would in turn like it. For example, if the child could play piano well and gain sense of achievement from it, the child would in turn like it. And she also believes that parents should control children in doing beneficial things, because only by that, they would feel confidence in the process. So that parent should continually push children in doing beneficial things. And children would turn from this child who dislikes eating vegetables to this child. The third thing is the worst thing parents can do is to let the children give up. Amy Chua values a lot of persistence. She thinks that it is important that um parent push children and not to give up. If parent allow children giving up easily, children um will in turn lose the courage to challenge and will have the habit to give up easily whenever he or she face difficulties. For example, um, yeah, nothing. Haha. What I mean is, um parents should push children in trying things and not to give up. The next thing is, Chinese parents assume strength, not fragility in our children. um I suggest that, and also Amy Chua suggests that we should think bigger of our children and only by that can they become the best. For example, if we think of our children as an A+, they would keep working hard and eventually become an A+. However, if we think of our children as an A- or B+, when they reach to A-, they would think that, yeah that’s my limit, that’s all I can do, and they would stop working hard and restrain themselves at what they are. So, if we all assume our children to be perfect, they would have the courage to fight higher and become better. And the third is, you can see that it is a competitive world nowadays, and every parent is eager to arm children with many skills. Let’s see is in this way, if your child could not answer any question his teacher offer in kinder garden or elementary school, and found out that many of his peers could answer without difficulty. The child would lost confidence in himself and lost interest in learning knowledge. Therefore, it is not only essential but also crucial that parent need to arm children with everything they need in facing future difficulties and challenges. For example, to let children arm with good studying habits, working skills, and so on. So that the baby could turn from this crying baby, to this super baby.

Ivy:” Ok! Now I want to introduce you this French woman. Her name is Celine Raphael. She has wrote a biography about her childhood. I want to give you a brief introduction. Celine Raphael is a French little girl. One day, somebody told her father, your child is a talented child, and you have to let her learn piano because she is good at it. From then on, her live just ruined. Because her father started to force her to play the piano day and night. When she made mistakes, her father will punish her. But in the end, Celine Raphael had stood out and fought for her liberty. And she becomes a doctor, which is she really want to do. From Celine’s biography, we can find some problems between strict parents and children. The first is vicious circle. When Celine made mistake, her father will punish her, and then she will feel nervous. She is getting so nervous that she couldn’t do anything well. Then she will make mistakes again, and her father will punish her again. Because it’s like a vicious circle. Punishment couldn’t make children do better. Punishment just makes children feel more nervous. And second is projection. Celine’s father once wanted to be a pianist when he was little. But his father couldn’t afford this expense. So Celine’s father couldn’t make his dream come true. When her father grew up, had Celine as his daughter. Somebody told him, your daughter is good at playing the piano. So Celine’s talent just become Celine’s duty. Celine has to fulfill her father’s dream. Third is consolation. In Celine’s biography, Celine’s father would hung her in her sleep after he punished her. But on the other day, her father would still punish her. Celine said this hung didn’t make anything better. Just like this graph. Parents punish children, and there is a trauma in children’s mind. Maybe parents will try to console their children by little hung or candy, or something else. But when children make mistakes, their parents will just punish them again. Just like this slang, even you pull the nail out of the wall, there’s still a mark on it. It doesn’t make anything better. And now I want to talk about Celine’s father. He was growing up under a harsh environment and education. Indeed, her father has a good position after he grew up. But he also has an anomalistic mind. Is this really what his father want to give him? NO! So we can learn something from this example. If you treat your children strictly, maybe she or he will really get a good job or good future, but your inappropriate treatment will also influence his or her mind. And next is Zoe.”

Zoe: What Ivy said in that example of tiger parents, Celine Raphel, I think the main problem is that they lack the communication between parents and children. Therefore, I would take the example of the child of Tiger Mother, Sophia Chua, to fight back her opponents and prove that tiger parenting could work within proper methods. In Sophia Chua’s article and also her interview, she mentioned that there is family leisure time every Thursday. They would share feelings with each other and like um maybe ask, how is everything in your school today. I believe, communication like this is the base of tiger mother parenting. The father of Celine Raphel only learn the skin if tiger mother parenting, yet he neglects the most important base, which is the interaction of affection and communication of ideas. And also, Sophia mentioned that what her mother does is of building inner confidence and good working habits. Also, she mentioned in the interview that her mother hardly intervenes most of her decisions after high school. I think the point of tiger mother parenting is to intervene children when they are still young, yet after the parents believe their children have ability to make their own decisions and can be responsible for them, the parents would let go of their children and would not bother themselves to intervene. And of Sophia Chua, the girl who gets um, um permitted into both Yale and Harvard University is not good enough. Let me introduce to you other examples. According to a survey, out of 2000 census, nearly 50 percent of Asian Americans have college and graduate degree, Asian Americans make up 17% of incoming Harvard freshmen, and 29% of Harvard medical school. And also, I believe you all know this family, the family who lives in the White House. According to First Lady Michelle Obama captured, as she was discussing the way she was raising her daughters. Michelle Obama made her daughters take up two sports: one of their choosing, and the other chosen by their mother. When someone asks why she would choose like that, Michelle answers that "I want them to understand what it feels like to do something you don’t like and to improve." So this is the main point of tiger mother parenting, to let children learn what they are able to achieve in the process of working hard. So here comes our conclusion.

Ivy:” My conclusion is easy. Guiding parents will give their children liberty and trust. Because this two things will let their children how to face the problems and solve it by themselves. After all, parents couldn’t beside their children forever. The most important thing they have to do is to teach their children how to face the problems by themselves. And second is that, if your children do something wrong, use nature’s lecture. Because it’s more appropriate between children and parents.”

Zoe: And for my part, the main point of tiger parenting is positive control, which is to control children in a more democratic way. And also I conclude Amy Chua’s parenting in four letters: 2p 2c. Persistence, positive control, communication and cultivate. I believe by the combine of these four elements can Tiger mother parenting become fully compete and can educates excellent results. Thank you! Is there any question?”

Yida:”What’s the eagle means?”

Ivy:”I use eagle as the metaphor because eagle will push its little bird off the cliff. So that little bird can learn to fly by themselves. And its somehow meets the method of guiding parents. The guiding parents won’t help their children directly. They prefer to let them face the trouble, even make mistakes so that they can learn something from its own. And that’s why I use eagle as the metaphor.”

William: What about Duct Tape Parenting?

Ivy: Because I have talked about the expert named Vicki Hoefle. She is the one who creates this duct tape parenting. The main purpose of this parenting is to avoid parents to over help their children. Vicki Hoefle said that when parents want to give your children an order or help, then you have to image a tape that can tape your mouth and tape your hand so that can avoid parents can’t help to over help their children.

William: And also one question for you. You said that it is the point of education to let the more experienced teach the less experienced. And in your case, for example, she is your children and you teach her of your experience. She follows your advice and not making mistakes. And when she grows up and educating her own children, how she are going to tell her children of those experiences. How are she going to teach her children since all she learned is your experience and not her own. She follows your directions, but she doesn’t have experience.

Zoe:  Good question, let me think for a while, um, um, my point that of letting children evade their mistakes does not mean that they should make completely no mistake at all, which means that whether the mother or the children would each get some experiences to um, ugh what am I talking about. Um, um, we think that, haha, I think that the children can still learn experience from their parents, and also I have mentioned that tiger mother parenting is about letting children go when they have their own ability to make decisions. Therefore, after the children starts making her decisions, she would have her own experience to teach her children.

Allan: um do you believe that the tiger mother and um the father from different cultures could work well in a family. Like um instead of just having a tiger parents or eagle parents, would it better to have both?

Zoe: You mean the combination of two parenting style?

William: That would be the example you show with the Obama’s, that the mother let their children to choose both?

Zoe: yeah I think that would be fine, yet I think that there would still be conflicts between the father and the mother. Because there would um upon some decisions, um, they would have different opinions and ideas, and there would be conflicts in raising their children. Because Amy Chua, in her biography she mentioned that there are often some discussions between she and her husband. Because um she is the Chinese parenting style, and her husband don’t often agree with her parenting style. There would be discussions, but often the father let go and let tiger mother in control of the parenting of the children.

William: so how about the children would be effected by the westernize environment? Well you have the example that the woman, who raises children in United States with Chinese ways, so you have her example of being in US, how about westernizes ways here. How would that affect children?

Zoe: You mean western parenting styles in Taiwan?

William: yeah, how do you think that affects the child?

Zoe: um, I think that if the child of westerns parenting styles in Taiwan, I think that he would affect the children around. Maybe his classmates would think that why he could plays sports and have fun while I have to go to cram school and study. The children might argue with their parents when they go home. Yet I think that the development of every children is still depends on their own, whether in western style or Chinese style, um, um, ugh what am I talking about. And also there is um, a kind of international school in Taiwan, and foreign countries often gather it up in the school, so um I think that the place would be a kind of accumulation for western parenting style.

Monica: In the Western country, the way the parents give like they love their children. It doesn’t mean Taiwanese people don’t love their kids. It’s different. In my country, I have all my friends. They give me love. And there are foreigners, they grow up here, they have to love their parents. So I don’t think it remain much.

William: What about their performance?

Monica: I think it’s about the time they have in the country.

Zoe: Thank you Monica.

Yida: I have a question about Tiger mother. Because you say that Tiger mother will cultivate the many good parts of children when they young. But many will argue that if you limit your children when they’re young, for example, can’t go to the party, it’s danger to limit them, such as creativity. How do you think about this argument?

Zoe: I don’t think go to party can cultivate the creativity.

Yida:If you try many things, maybe you will think about many things around you. If you don’t try, you won’t know… for sure.

Zoe: Like Sophia Chou, she tried many things. Maybe the thing she like is to play the drum, and her mother will let her do. But on the other hands, she can still know many things. For example, she get an experience of performing in Carnegie Hall. So there’s still a lot of good experience.

Yida:It’s depend on the interaction between parents and children?

Zoe:Yes! I think it’s important. If parents don’t communicate with children, just put many things upon the children, it will have a crack just like Celine Raphael.

William: There’s a social problems. Maybe the children really get a good job or position. They will have some problems when having conversation with others. Because they don’t know about it.

Zoe: Tiger mother won’t let her children sleep over night in her friend’s home. But they still have party at home to let others play in their house. Tiger mother doesn’t cut off every interaction between her children and the peers.

William: OK!

Zoe: Any question? OK! Thank you!!

Annotation4 ─ Listen children ’s voice!

Annotation4 ─ Listen children ’s voice!

        Many parents will think strict education as the only way to let children get better position in their future. However, some of them can’t even control how strict is useful and efficient. Sometimes, parents think the discipline they give is appropriate, on the other hand, in fact, is a poison to the children.

        Celine Raphael is a talented child who is good at playing the piano. However, everything changes when she is “crowded” by this title. In order to let Celine become a professional pianist, her father starts to force Celine to practice the piano day and night, even stop her from having a normal life that a child deserves. Furthermore, her father even used belt to whip her once she made mistake, or other much more terrible punishments. In the end, Celine finally stood out and fought for her liberty. She successfully made her dream come true, being a doctor instead of a pianist.

         From Celine’s biography, we can find the difference of idea and feelings between parents and children. Although Celine’s father punished Celine strictly and mercilessly, even making Celine have anorexia, he denied every charges from Celine. He imputed his cruel deed to Celine’s bad-behaved. We can find that, something parents think is good for children may, in fact, hurt children most seriously. However, parents will just name this discipline a good way to let their children have a wonderful future. But, do these deeds really come from the truly hope for children? I don’t think so.

        Many parents will force their children to learn the instrument or dance or other accomplishments because they want their children to finish what they couldn’t accomplish. Celine’s father once dreamed to play the piano, however, because his parents couldn’t afford this expenses. Instead of trying to understand what Celine really wanted, he just thought that Celine was good at playing the piano, so she had to develop her talent without other excuses. This projection is the biggest problem the most parents will have.

        Some parents will feel some kind of guilty when they punish their children, then they will try to give their children some consolations. However, even if you pull the nail out of the wall, there’s still a mark on it. Celine’s father will embrace her in the night to get Celine’s forgiveness after he punish her. But he will go on his terrible discipline and humiliation day after day. Father want to make up their relationship by a little hug. But to Celine, her hurt can’t restore so easily.

        Celine has mentioned that her father is growing up under a harsh environment and education from his father. His father also use strict method to educate him. Although Celine’s father really get a good position in the future, his mind also become anomalistic. Is this really what his father want to give him? From her father’s childhood, we can also discover one thing. A strict education may really make your children have a better work or achievement, but their mind may also have so influence by your inappropriate treatment.

        From Celine’s biography, we can understand those who is under the education from the parents like Mother Tiger. When parents just see the good side from Mother Tiger’s book, maybe they should read this book to avoid making the mistake like Celine’s father.

參考資料

Celine Raphael(2013)。過度教育。台北縣：寶瓶文化事業有限公司。

Annotation3─Leave your children alone

Annotation3─Leave your children alone

        Vicki Hoefle, the author of Duct Tape Parenting, published in 2013 November, has worked on professional education about parenting for twenty years. She is the founder of the class ─ Parenting On Track as well. This book is not only written upon her own experience, but also includes the theory from two psychologists ─ Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.

        Vicki brought up a simple education, which is called Duct Tape Parenting. This education is a way to let children to live without restraint. It emphasizes to strengthen the relationship between parents and children, instead of taking them in hands. In this century, the relationship between parents and children can be like friends. If parents just want to control the children, it’s easy to have conflict between them. Vicki also tells parents that this method is a long plan. Many education for parents has a quick effect; however, the thing will go back like before quickly as well. So what Vicki really want to taught parents need a lot of time, but it is effective , and its effect is continued. Parents have to always prepare a tape. When you want to give order, taping your mouth. When you want to servant your children, taping your body. When your children is crying for no reason, taping your eyes and ears. These method means to avoid parents can’t help to over help their children.

        In this book, Vicki also regard trust and chance as very important things that parents have to give their children. Trust is the base of good parent-child relationship, and chance is the beginning of children’s self-growing. And it also response to my point that parents will overprotect children or make decision for them is because they can’t trust their children. As for the overprotecting and making decision for children, Vicki also give her thought in the book. First, Vicki writes that if parents overprotect the children, it’s indeed bad for them, because the children will find that the real world is not as simple as they thought in the end. Second, totally making decision for the children will hinder them from having their own space to learn how to arrange their own life. Besides, they will think themselves nothing at all.

        Vicki says:” Making mistakes is the easiest and the most efficient way to let children face the challenges and difficulties in the future.”  It’s the last emphasis that Vicki gives in this book. Instead of giving a lecture from parents when children doing wrong, Vicki refer to let the nature teach the children. In this world, if children do something wrong, there must be some outcomes resulting from their deed. For examples, let’s suppose that a boy forget to bring the coat to school. If parents just lecture on him, he will only think that he is not good. Your original purpose, don’t want him to feel cold, won’t go into child’s mind. However, without parents’ lecture, the boy will remember to bring the coat next time on his own because he will feel cold and couldn’t get out with his friends. That’s nature’s lecture. It also can prevent bad parent-child relationship resulting from parents’ scolding.

        Parents have to learn to give their trust and chance to children. Besides, their overprotecting and making decision for children will just make children lost their ability. The most importance of all is that this nature will has its own method to teach the children. All we have to do is to be relax, and believe that mistakes can make children learn better.

Reverence

Vicki Hoefle(2013)。教養孩子，你只需要一捲膠帶。台北市：沐風文化出版有限公司。

Annotaion 4

        Many parents will think strict education as the only way to let children get better position in their future. However, some of them can’t even control how strict is useful and efficient. Sometimes, parents think the discipline they give is appropriate, on the other hand, in fact, is a poison to the children.

        Celine Raphael is a talented child who is good at playing the piano. However, everything changes when she is “crowded” by this title. In order to letting Celine become a professional pianist, her father starts to force Celine practice the piano day and night, even stop her to have a normal life that a child deserve. Furthermore, her father will use belt to whip her once she make mistake, or other much more terrible punishments. In the end, Celine finally stood out and fight for her liberty. She successfully make her dream come true, being a doctor instead of a pianist.

         From Celine’s biography, we can find the difference of idea and feelings between parents and children. Although Celine’s father punished Celine strictly and mercilessly, even making Celine have anorexia, he denied every charges from Celine. He impute his cruel deed to Celine’s bad-behaved. We can find that, something parents think is good for children may, in fact, hurt children most seriously. However, parents will just name this discipline a good way to let their children a wonderful future. But, do these deed really come from the truly hope for children? I don’t think so.

        Many parents will force their children to learn the instrument or dance or other accomplishments because they want their children to finish what they can’t do by themselves. Celine’s father once dream to play the piano, however, because his parents can’t afford this expenses. Instead to understand what Celine really want, he just think that Celine is good at playing the piano, so she have to develop her talent without other excuses. This projection is the biggest problem the most parents will have.

        Some parents will feel some kind of guilty when they punish their children, then they will try to give their children some consolations. However, even you pull the nail out of the wall, there’s still a mark on it. Celine’s father will embrace her in the night to get Celine’s forgiveness after he punish her. But he will go on his terrible discipline and humiliation day after day. Father want to make up their relationship by a little hug. But to Celine, her hurt can’t restore so easily.

        Celine has mentioned that her father is growing up under a harsh environment and education from his father. His father also use strict method to educate him. Although Celine’s father really get a good position in the future, his mind also become anomalistic. Is this really what his father want to give him? From her father’s childhood, we can also discover one thing. A strict education may really make your children have a better work or achievement, but their mind may also have so influence by your inappropriate treatment.

        From Celine’s biography, we can understand those who is under the education from the parents like Mother Tiger. When parents just see the good side from Mother Tiger’s book, maybe they should read this book to avoid making the mistake like Celine’s father.

Reverence:

Celine Raphael(2013)。過度教育。台北縣：寶瓶文化事業有限公司。

Transcription 3

Zoe:  This is our annotation 3 and Ivy and I would further discuss about whether parents should intervene with children’s decisions or something. Yeah, and first will be Ivy’s annotation.

Ivy: OK, and it’s my annotation’s topic that Leave Your Children Alone. And uh… I want to show you guys a short film that it’s about Vicki Hoefle to introduce herself. (short film playing) OK and this video…this short film can let you know who’s Vicki Hoefle. Because now I want to introduce you a book. She’s the author. And Vicki Hoefle has a new education named Duct Tape Parenting. It’s a way to let children to live without restraint. And it also emphasize to strengthen the relationship between parent and children. Vicki also say that it’s a long plan. And why this education named Duct Tape Parenting is because that Vicki say when you want to give your children an order or help, then you have to image a tape that can tape your mouth and tape your hand so that can avoid parents can’t help to over help their children. And in my early article, I said that overprotection and making all decision for children is some kind of parents’ distrust. In Vicki’s book, she said that parents have to give their children two things. It’s trust and chance. Trust is the base of good parent-children relationship. Because only when parents trust their children, their children can trust parents and trust themselves. And chance is the beginning of children’s self-growing. Because only parents give children chance to do something else on their own, they can learn how to solve the problem by themselves. And Vicki also said that parents can’t give children overprotection and making all decision for them. Because the real world is not as simple as children thought if parents give them too much overprotection. When they grow up and find that this society isn’t as simple as they thought, they cannot do it well by themselves. Making all decision will let children don’t have their own space to learn how to arrange their own life. Vicki also said that making mistakes is the easiest and the most efficient way to let children face the challenges and difficulties in the future. Vicki said that parents have to let nature to teach the children. And what’s nature’s lecture? I want to give you some example. One day, Tom forgot to bring the coat to school, and then he will feel cold so that he couldn’t get out with his friends, and because of that, he will remember to bring the coat next time. It’s some kind of nature’s lecture. And now I want to give you my conclusions that parents have to give their trust and chance to children. And the second is nature will has its own method to teach the children. And the third, parents have to be relax, and trust that mistakes can make children learn better. It’s my reference.

Zoe:  Okay, and for my annotation 3, um the reference I search for on internet, and I found out that it is filled with um um articles against tiger mother, but um I think that there are misconceptions, so I think that um who else would be a better subject to clear out the misconceptions besides her own daughter? So for annotation 3, I would be um talking about clearing the misconceptions of tiger mother by the mouth of her daughter Sophia Chua, who recently was received by both yale university and Harvard University. And first, I will show you a short clip from Wall Street Journel. Okay, and okay. The first myth I would like to clear about is that many people think that tiger mother parenting method is about totally control, from the day child was born to the day when the child become an adult, or maybe get um get into a college or get into marriage or something. But from the article of Sophia Chua and also the interview, she talks about that “ I think that your strict parnting force me to become an independent thinker and make the most of opportunities. So it is not about that total control would make children have um to loose the ability to make their own decisions. It is the misunderstanding of tiger mother parenting method. And also from the interview we can know that Sophia said that um her mother hardly intervene after she goes into high school. So um from the interview we can know that one of the teaching method of tiger mother is to tell her what to do when she was young, and then when the parent think that my children have the ability to make right decisions, they would let go and let them to face the difficulties by themselves, rather than decide them of what they should do for future occation. And the second myth is alienation. Many people um they talk about that the high pressure of the parents giving to children would cause alienation between parent and children. and  also because of the high pressure, children would in turn gain their distrust to their parents and would not rather um prefer to share their feelings to their parents. Um but um from the article of Sophia from New York Post: why I love my strict Chinese mother, um I can saw her fully love and her fully trust and the bond between her and her mother. And in fact, the book, Battle Rhythem, Amy Chua did get permission from both of her daughter to publish the book, so, if they are really alienated, why would they agree to publish the things in the family? So I think that the tiger mother parenting method is actually a two way feedback, because the mother gives fully care and gives fully trust to their children, and in turn children would have fully trust to their mother and would prone to ask for advice from their parents. So um my conclusion is that tiger mother parenting method is not about directing which way to go but building the confidence and working habits. Okay tada, any question?

Vicky: I think that you said that tiger mother did not choose for which way should go but actually when her children are young, tiger mother did choose what the what she think about that they should learn piano. Because in I have read the book, she didn’t let her children to learn other instrument other than piano. So she is choosing her way for her children, what do you think about this.

Zoe:  well my point of view is that children don’t actullay know what they want when they are young. Teah so um when later, um she did intervene with her  children when they are young. But Sophia did mention that after she goes into high school, when um Amy thinks that Sophia has the ability to make good decisions, she let her go and let her do choose what university she will attend to, what classes she will go to , and um what subject she will major in in university.

Vicky: But what if the children before want to learn other instruments like drums or guitars, but she oppose of and want her children to play piano.

Zoe:  because yeah I did read that part in the battle rhythem. Like maye it is not high class enough and only wants her children to learn piano and violin. Well, yeah, I am not totally agree to tiger mother, but I think that it is still important direct the main decisions of what the chil